‘Can a married man and a woman be just friends?’ may sound like a simple yes or no question but it can be pretty difficult to answer in a single word.
A married man and a woman may or may not be friends, it will depend wholly on their history with each other and how the guy’s wife feels about him having female friends who he’s pretty close to.
Believe it or not, your dynamics with your wife can have an impact on what kind of friends you have.
So let’s look at these a bit more in detail before we make our minds up.
The Emotional Connection
As friends, you will spend a lot of time together, going out on lunches and dinners, sharing life details with each other, etc.
A vast majority of experts believe that this will naturally lead to intimacy. This perspective might not be a cent percent correct, but fans of the movie When Harry Met Sally might just agree with this point of view and conclude that a man can never be friends with a woman.
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Add marriage to the tagline and you will definitely hear a unanimous NO from this group. There is always a thin line here, and most experts will agree that it is crossed more often than not.
Your history with the woman can play an important role in what kind of relationship you can share once you have tied the knot. There can be multiple scenarios:
1. The Girl is Your Ex: Most people agree that exes can never be friends.
There is no scientific research to verify this belief and you will find some exes having cordial relationships with each other but in most cases, your current partner will not be okay with you being friends with an ex.
This is because it can take people a lot of time to get over a breakup. According to reports, most people begin to get used to their new life within six weeks of a breakup.
However, it can take you three years or more to completely get over someone.
Hence, we can say that a married man and a woman cannot be friends if they have been in a relationship before.
Things can worsen if your current partner finds out you’re still in touch with your ex.
It may make them insecure and may lead to problems in your marriage. Hence, it is best to stay away from such friendships.
2. You Met the Girl Before You Got Married: Now, this is one of the most common scenarios and it is quite understandable as well.
Most people have their own gang of groups. Being married does not mean you will have to stay away from people you have grown up with. You will have your own dynamics with your friends, including female friends.
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If your partner has known you for a while, then she would already be aware of your female friends and the kind of relationship you share with them.
Your partner would also be comfortable around your female friends if they already know her.
3. You Met the Girl After Your Marriage: Now, this can be a bit tricky. Your partner may not be okay with the idea of you making new female friends.
You may find it quite difficult to understand why your partner would have a say in who you can or cannot be friends with. However, if you put yourself in her shoes, you will understand why.
It is not uncommon for women to feel insecure when their partners begin to make new friends, especially female friends.
They often wonder ‘why’ and they even look at every new friend as a threat, especially if they do not know the girl personally.
They often think about why you need new friends and if you’re up to something behind their back.
It Is Never Just a Yes or a No
As evident from the details discussed above, it can never be a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, as the answer depends on several factors including:
- What your wife thinks of you having female friends.
- How you met the friend.
- What kind of relationship you share with the new friend.
- What kind of things you do with each other.
You Need to Think of Your Wife as Well
Always put your relationship first. It is best to stay away from women your wife doesn’t want you to talk to unless she is over possessive.
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Moreover, make sure to introduce your female friends to your wife so that she does not get doubtful. Do not make the mistake of hiding what you’re up to behind your partner’s back as such behavior can make her doubt you and put a dent in your relationship.
In addition to this, it may be a good idea to include your wife in your gang of friends so that she can understand what kind of a relationship you share with your mates.
Also, if you feel you’re doing something wrong by having a female friend then you most probably are doing something wrong. Hence, be careful.
Will We Really Develop Feelings for Each Other?
Let’s face it, we are humans; there are butterflies in the stomach and they can start to fly without any warning. Hence, you can never be sure about this factor.
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Plus, your female friend may also develop feelings for you. If you ever reach such a point, then it is better to call it quits. You should never be friends with a person you are sexually attracted to.
Friendship is precious. It is important that you value all your relationships including your wife and friends. If you find someone you want to be friends with, ask why you’re attracted towards that person.
If you enjoy their company, then it may be okay to be friends with each other but make sure to get your wife involved in some way. However, if you both or either one of you feels attracted towards each other then it is best to maintain distance.