Discovering that your partner had an affair is terrible. It doesn’t even matter if he told you himself, or you found out about it.
Your initial thought was that it is over, but something weird happened. He cheated but says he loves you and is willing to do anything if you would give him another chance.
It is not a pleasant situation to be in, but here is how to deal with that.
What Type of Cheating Was It?
Did you know that there are different types of cheating? If you say infidelity, you often think about physical cheating, which involves sleeping with someone else.
For many people, it is the only “real” infidelity, but also the final straw that leads to ending the relationship.
However, physical contact is only one form of cheating. Emotional affairs can be even more dangerous because they involve romantic feelings.
That infidelity usually means that your partner had an emotional relationship with another person, which means they were close and confided in each other. Although it doesn’t have to involve sexual contact, it can be a bigger problem for your relationship.
We are living in the modern era, and that is why cyber cheating is the next subcategory.
These affairs are strictly online, and they can involve exchanging provocative images and videos with another person, as well as having live video chats.
Finally, there is the classic text message cheating. It doesn’t have to involve only SMS, but also sexting over social media, or messenger apps.
Please note that the affair your partner had may involve multiple components mentioned above. We advise you to ask for all the details and learn as much as you can.
More often than you think, things are much scarier in our heads than they are in real life. That is why you should discover facts instead of letting your imagination to go wild.
Why Did He Cheat?
The next thing on the list is finding out why your husband had an affair. If he cheated but says he loves you, it is all the more reason to discover the underlying reason.
Here are some causes of male’s infidelity:
- Opportunity – these are situations when your partner didn’t plan for anything to happen. He might have gone out with his friends, and the opportunity to hook up with a hot woman appeared. It may be under the influence of alcohol, but he decided to take that chance and give in to the temptation.
- Ego boost – men like receiving compliments about their appearance every bit as much as women. Perhaps the reason they cheated was an ego boost, and proving to themselves they are still attractive to other girls.
- Boredom – your partner might feel like he is bored in your relationship. Whether the sex isn’t as good as it used to be, or everything has become a routine, but he doesn’t feel like they are having enough fun. It is why he might look for excitement elsewhere.
It won’t be easy to talk about this, but it is the only way to put the affair behind you. It may be wise to have a long conversation about the affair, and then agree that you will stop talking about it in the future.
Was It a One-Time Thing?
The crucial information to discover is whether the affair was a one-time thing. Mistakes happen, and you can accept a mistake that happened only once.
However, if your partner’s affair has been going on for a while, he should be ready to take responsibility for their actions.
The best way to start doing that is to end the affair immediately. It is the first sign that he is ready to make amends, and an indicator that you are the women in his long-term plans.
While we are on the topic, consider if it was the first time your partner cheated on you. If this is not his first affair, what do you think will stop him from cheating on you again?
Is He Ready To Make Amends?
First, it is important that he takes responsibility for what he did. Don’t accept any attempt to transfer the guilt to you.
The relationship might have been in a crisis, and you could have done some things better. However, cheating was his decision only, and he should own up to his actions.
Accepting responsibility and admitting mistakes is the first step to making amends. Your partner should show empathy and understand how you feel. First of all, he should understand that trust is broken, and time and effort will be necessary to fix it.
The base of good communication is honesty, and you should insist on that. Try being honest about what your hubby could do to restore the trust.
For example, you may ask him to account for his whereabouts all the time. That can involve checking in every hour or two or sharing his location on mobile.
Your hubby should also start showing signs of affection himself. Small signs can involve sending you a romantic message or buying you flowers for no reason.
Big indicators depend on the stage of the relationship. They can involve a wedding ring, taking you to a romantic weekend, inviting you to dinner with his parents, etc.
If you agreed to work on rebuilding your relationship, you should also stop mentioning the affair. That means you should refrain yourself from criticizing, and trying to inflict additional guilt on your partner.
If you think it is necessary, you can ask your hubby to visit couple therapy together. A professional can be a great mediator in overcoming conflicts.
If you believe you are not capable of handling the issue together, a therapist can be of great assistance. Furthermore, it might be the best bet for saving your relationship.
Assess His Behavior For a While
It is nice that your partner is willing to go the extra mile to save the relationship. However, always keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. It is why you want to put his behavior under review for a while.
He cheated but says he loves you, and he now promises to try hard to repair your relationship. While that is nice, you may want to observe the situation before forgetting about the affair.
Your partner should follow through with all the promises he made. If you notice that he is showing affection, buying you gifts, and focusing all attention on you, that is a good sign.
But if things continue to be the same way as before, and he keeps neglecting you, you should consider ending the relationship for your good.