You didn’t want to believe it, but you have to face the facts. They say that your partner cheated on you, which left you shocked, angered, and confused about what you should do next.
You were probably never in this situation, which is why you should check out our guide on how to confront a cheater.
Here is everything you should know before the big conversation, and some tips you can use during the discussion.
Related reading: 8 Signs He Found Someone Else
Preparation Is Crucial – Collect All Evidence
While this is correct for athletes, it is also true if you are preparing to face a partner who committed an affair.
The first thing that you want to do is to gather all the evidence you have for the infidelity.
Remember, your partner might decide to deny everything, but it will be much harder to do that if you have proof.
While it may be tough to confirm that you are right, you will feel far more comfortable to deal with the cheater if you have strong evidence.
Think About What You Want to Achieve With the Conversation
You might be losing a lot of time on thinking how to confront a cheater that you miss considering what you expect to get from the conversation.
It may also be vital to learn as much information as possible about the affair.
Remember, it is always better to know than to assume. It may be difficult, but you should know how long the affair lasted, who initiated it, and whether it was only physical.
You can even consider getting the list of questions ready so that you don’t forget everything.
While you should ask for all the information that you believe is useful to decide whether you will work on the relationship, try not to torcher yourself with an unnecessary level of detail.
Related reading: I Cheated On My Wife. Should I Tell Her?
Imagine the Conversation in Your Head
They say we can help ourselves to pull through difficult events and situations by playing them out in our heads. That is why it may be helpful the play out the possible confrontation with a cheater in your mind.
It should help you to ensure that at least the beginning goes the way you intended. While you are playing out the discussion, consider how it makes you feel.
The chances are that emotions will be high, and you want to avoid snapping if possible.
Practice how you plan to remain calm and imagine potential things your partner might tell you. Will they admit the infidelity and beg you for forgiveness? Or they will avoid the truth, and go for denial?
The more situations you can predict, the better for you. That way, you can consider your potential replies, which will keep you from dealing with something unexpected.
Where Will You Have “The Talk?”
If you feel like you are ready to confront your cheating partner, keep in mind to pick the right time and place. Here are some guidelines to follow when deciding where you will talk:
- You want to ensure that you both have enough time to discuss the affair and your relationship overall. Keep in mind that the conversation might last for hours, so ask your partner when they will have free time.
- It is vital that you two are alone during the confrontation. You don’t want to have such a sensitive talk in front of other guests in a restaurant, neighbors, or children.
- Do not rush things. If the first agreed time doesn’t work for either of you, postpone it. However, make sure that you are not postponing it because you are avoiding your partner.
Start the Conversation Slowly
The situation is not easy for you, but keep in mind that you need to stay rational and smart. It would be wise to start the conversation slowly.
Tell the partner that you have some concerns and suspicions, and then mention that they are related to their potential affair. Mention why you are suspicious, but avoid telling them that you have proof.
That will give you the room to see how they will react. Instead of confronting the cheater directly, you will be giving them an opportunity to confess.
Some will be gracious enough to admit that they have committed adultery, but others will continue denying it.
That is the time when you should present evidence, which should be an undeniable confirmation that the affair happened.
Related reading: 4 Stages Of Healing After Infidelity
Ask Them to Honestly Answer All Your Questions
You want to focus on two types of questions:
- How did the affair happen?
- Why did it happen?
Feel free to start with any of the above categories. As we already discussed, try to gather as much information as possible about the affair.
Ask your partner to ask you honestly, but they can skim a detail or two if it is unnecessary.
It is also vital that you analyze why your partner cheated. They may be unhappy in your relationship, or they don’t feel they are in love with you anymore.
Maybe your sex life wasn’t as good as expected lately, or they wanted a new experience.
Allow them the opportunity to give you the answers, and ask them to be honest. Try not to act immediately.
Instead, take a minute or two to evaluate the answers you got. Based on them, you may figure out how your partner feels about cheating you.
What Will Happen Next?
The final item you should discuss when facing a partner who committed infidelity is your future.
Ask them what they think should happen with your relationship. If they claim they are ready to fight for it, and they will do anything to stay with you, it is time to think about it.
Do not rush your decision because you need to be certain that you can forgive them for the affair. You now know how to confront a cheater, but you are probably not aware whether you should try to save your relationship.
If you believe that what you have is worth the struggle, start working on repairing your relationship. It won’t be easy, and it will take a lot of effort, but there are ways to rebuild trust and return what you had.
However, it is vital for your spouse to end the affair immediately. They should also be ready to go the extra mile to prove their love for you.
It might take weeks or months, but if you are strong enough, you will be able to put the entire affair behind you.