Your marriage was flawless up to the point when one of you cheated. The perfect relationship has suddenly turned into a nightmare. You are now confused and wondering how to fix a marriage after infidelity.
Fortunately, we have a solution for you! Our team conducted thorough research, gathered expert opinions, and shared personal experiences to offer these tips that might help to save your marriage.
Stop the Affair Immediately
If you are going to focus on repairing your marriage, you can’t continue the affair. That is why you should immediately stop any contact with the third party. Not only you shouldn’t see them anymore, but you should erase and block their phone number.
You may have had an affair with a person that is a part of your life, such as a colleague. In that case, you may need to keep a businesslike relationship with them.
Do that only if it is necessary, and make sure to report any communication you had with that person to your spouse. That way, you can work on gaining their trust again.
Related reading: If My Girlfriend Cheated Will She Do It Again?
Have an Honest Conversation
If you are going to rebuild your marriage, you’ve got to start by rebuilding communication. It is vital to have an honest conversation as soon as that’s possible.
Get ready for a discussion that will probably be long, and make sure to be prepared to ask and answer various questions about the infidelity, and how to move forward from this point.
Emotions might be high, but it is crucial to keep them hidden so that you can talk normally. That means that the cheated spouse should avoid any rage or criticism while the partner that committed adultery should answer all questions without holding back.
You should both be completely honest as that is the only way to achieve a clean slate and start fresh.
What Should You Talk About?
The experts believe that talking about the problem is a way of overcoming it and finding a solution. That is why we are providing some insights on how both spouses should act during the heart-to-heart conversation about the infidelity:
- The cheated spouse – your goal is to get as much information as possible. That is the way of understanding why the adultery happened. Your goal is to improve communication, which is why you should find a way to suppress rage. Additionally, having all the facts will ensure that you do not exaggerate over any detail.
- The spouse who cheated – you need to be honest if you want to start rebuilding the trust. You should be ready to take responsibility and show remorse and regret. Make sure to understand that your spouse is going through a tough time. Answer any question they might have honestly, but try to skip a detail that is not important, and might hurt their feelings.
Finally, you should discuss the next steps. You should both clearly state your expectations for the coming period. They may involve regularly checking in or answering your phone or visiting a therapist. Make sure to be ready for a compromise and agree to something that your partner considers very important.
Related reading: How To Read Someone’s WhatsApp Messages on Your Phone
6 Tips to Rebuild Trust and Marriage After an Affair
The key to fixing a marriage after adultery lies in rebuilding trust. Aside from that, you should also work on improving your communication and the relationship in general. Take a look at some tips that may help you when starting from scratch.
1. No Secrets Rule
The first thing you should set is the “no secrets” rule. As you might assume, it involves not keeping anything from each other. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is; you won’t keep anything a secret.
Honesty is the best way to reestablishing trust. That is why you should be an open book. If it is necessary, you can even consider sharing cell phone information, as well as social media passwords.
That may be a drastic measure, so make sure to establish a clear boundary on the “no secrets” rule. And remember, always be honest about your whereabouts and anything else your spouse would like to know.
2. Show Your Dedication to Marriage
You can get creative and think of different ways to do this. Here are some suggestions:
- Cook your spouse their favorite meal.
- Surprise them with a small gift, such as candy of flowers.
- Remember anniversaries and other special dates.
Remember that dedication is expected from both partners, and it can accelerate the process of fixing your marriage.
3. Go on Dates
The idea is to start building your relationship from scratch, and going on dates might be a way to do that. It is a great way to practice communication and socialize at the same time.
You can set aside one evening a week and make it a “date night.” If you want to make things realistic, you can leave the house about an hour before your date starts, and pick up your spouse at the agreed time.
4. Find New Activities and Develop New Routines
The best way to rebuild a marriage is to freshen it up with new activities. The goal is to establish new routines, which may be heading to the movies or dining out once a week. You can also consider taking cooking classes together or come up with any other activity.
The only important thing is that you both enjoy doing that particular thing as that is a requirement to maximize the enjoyment of spending time together.
5. Show Appreciation and Affection
Apart from showing dedication to marriage, you shouldn’t hesitate to exhibit affection and appreciation to your spouse. That may vary from random gestures of affection, such as buying chocolates, to sensual and nonsexual touches combined with words that describe how much they mean to you.
Moreover, do not forget to express gratitude each time they do something nice for you. The goal is to let your partner know they are an important part of your life, and you appreciate having them as your partner.
6. Stop Talking About the Affair
Although you probably figured this one out yourself, once you finish with the heart-to-heart conversation, it is time to move on and stop talking about the adultery. That doesn’t mean that the cheated spouse should forgive easily, but rather that they need to give their best not to play a victim.
If it is necessary, you can talk to friends, or ask your partner to discuss the infidelity some more. However, make sure to stay rational and avoid negative emotions when talking to them.
Related reading: How To Get My Husband Back After I Cheated?
The Bottom Line
Adultery can seriously affect your marriage, and it is the reason why many couples separated. Our guide on how to fix a marriage after infidelity should help those that are willing to work on saving their relationship.
It will take some effort to rebuild trust, and both partners will need to invest some patience. However, if you make a decision about moving on together and follow this guide, the chances are you will succeed to restore your marriage.