Finding out that your partner cheated on you is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. Despite that, it is more common now than ever.
According to reports, about 25% of women admit to cheating, compared to 15% of women. Plus, a lot of affairs never come out in the open.
In most cases, cheating or infidelity is the end of a relationship. However, some relationships are strong enough to soldier the storm.
This usually happens when two people have been together for a long time and one of them makes a mistake and they both agree to give their relationship another try.
Such cases are rare but they certainly aren’t non-existent. If you’re on this page, then you also want to know the answer to the most dreaded question – how to trust my wife after she cheated.
Let’s get started:
First Thing First – Understand It’s Okay to Get Cheated On
We know how devastated you must be.
Most men and women cannot handle being cheated on. It breaks our egos, our trust, our faith, and our belief.
A lot of people go into a state of depression when their partner walks away and most struggle to come out of this phase.
If you’ve been a victim, then understand that cheating is normal and there are ways to make things work. It is not the end.
You can make things right and give your relationship another try if both of you want to be together.
We understand it is going to be difficult, even if you want it. But, if you stay strong, you’ll make it.
One Rule to Remember
Before starting the process of trusting your wife all over again, it is advised that you lay down some ground rules between you and her.
She did something unacceptable but that doesn’t mean she is not human, don’t go around advertising your wife’s mistakes, don’t try to take revenge by sleeping around, and don’t treat her poorly.
If you feel like doing any of these, it’s better to file for a divorce.
Now, moving on to how you can develop trust again.
Tip #1: Talk Things Out
Be upfront with her and tell her how you feel.
There is no harm in being honest. Go to your wife and share what you feel. Sometimes, all a woman wants to hear is how badly you want to be with her.
Also, if you’re struggling to trust your wife then be honest about it. Share your insecurities and ask her to make you feel confident.
Without any aggression, tell her the amount of damage she has done and how it will take you time to recover.
Talking things out and conveying your point to your spouse is one of the most significant steps towards recovering your broken trust.
You have seen how damaging it is when one of you withholds important information, don’t repeat the mistake.
At this point, you have to ask your wife to bear with you since the healing process will be difficult. However, you have to understand that she is also going through pain and discomfort.
You both have to become each other’s support system. Once you see your wife is there for you, helping you get out of the dark pit, you will start trusting her.
Tip #2: Take Baby Steps
Lost trust is not regained overnight, hence, take small steps towards your goal.
You need to think about what brought you two together. It may also be a good idea to relive old moments.
She strayed from your marriage but that does not mean she will betray you again. Make efforts for her and ask her to do the same. Spend some relaxing days together in the mountains or by the beach.
Tip #3: See a Therapist
Even if you don’t have depression or anxiety, seeing a therapist might help you a lot.
Having one to one sessions with your therapist will help you let go of the dark thoughts.
If you have things tucked away in your subconscious, you will not be able to trust your wife completely, every now and then the thoughts will resurface and make you remember the hard times.
Tip #4 Ask All Questions and Bury the Topic
Ask your wife to tell you each and everything about the relationship she had with the other man so that you know you have not missed out on any part of her life.
But, once you have discussed the matter with her, make sure never to bring it up ever again.
Discussing the same thing again and again will harm your relationship with your partner. Your job is to know why she cheated on you and what you can do to make things right. Do not use it as a weapon to hurt or insult your partner.
Tip #5: See a Marriage Counselor
Make your marriage your number one priority and ask your wife to do the same. It may be a good idea to go to a marriage counselor and seek professional help.
According to a famous marriage therapist, “All the energy that’s gone into maintaining one exciting relationship — the affair — needs to go back to your primary relationships, including your spouse, children and extended family“.
Forgiveness is not going to happen overnight, over a week or over a month. It is a slow and steady process that will take time and effort.
According to research, the betrayed spouse’s healing does not happen unless the unfaithful spouse helps in the process. A marriage therapy or counseling session can be very helpful in this regard.
Just knowing that your spouse is apologetic is not enough. You need to know she is ready to give this relationship a chance.
As mentioned, if you are ready to forgive your wife and give your relationship another chance, you are doing something most people cannot.
However, remember that it may take a while for things to get normal.
It might be awkward in the beginning, but if you two still love each other and want to be together then nothing will stop you from falling in love one more time.