Your marriage might have been going through a rough patch for a while now, or everything is perfect, but you were looking for a challenge.
Perhaps you came across an opportunity and didn’t want to miss it. Either way, you are waking up with the thought that you cheated on your wife. Should you tell her?
The answer to this question should be obvious since all experts would tell you that honesty should be the foundation of any relationship.
However, it may not be that easy in this case. That is why we are focusing on whether you should tell your wife about the affair and how to do it.
Why You Shouldn’t Tell Your Wife You Had an Affair
Let’s clear up one thing – honesty is essential for any marriage. Your spouse is the person you planned to spend the rest of your life with, and that is not someone you should keep secrets from or lie.
However, there are some situations when you shouldn’t tell her about your infidelity. That includes the following scenarios:
- She is not feeling physically or mentally well. Your wife may be having some health-related problems, and knowing about your affair might make things worse. In these situations, you may want to keep your mouth shut for now.
- You are already going through a divorce. If separation is imminent, you may want to be quiet about your affair. Your spouse may use that information against you in court, and you will be protecting yourself by not telling them.
As you can see, the only situations when you shouldn’t tell about the affair are to protect your wife’s health, and when you are certain that your marriage is already ended, and you don’t want to make things even worse.
However, keep in mind that an affair may be a sign of a deeper problem. If you honestly want to work on your marriage, it is essential you reflect those problems.
Telling your wife about the affair can be a start of a long and difficult journey, but one that may strengthen your relationship in the end.
Related reading: How To Fix a Marriage After Infidelity
Things That May Keep You from Confessing
If you committed infidelity, the chances are your conscience is bothering you. A lot of things are going to your head, and you are becoming more aware that you cheated on your wife.
Should you tell her now, or wait for a better moment? The truth is that you need to pick the moment when to reveal your affair, but the sooner you do it, the better.
However, many things may keep you from confessing. These may include:
- You are afraid that it will hurt her – the truth is that is probably will. However, you should be responsible and admit any mistakes made. If you are willing to work on your marriage, tell her you will put the extra effort. She will feel betrayed and hurt, but she may be willing to work on your relationship to return what you used to have.
- You are keeping quiet because of the kids – it is nice that you are considering your children, but remember that infidelity is a sign your marriage is not functioning well. It is not good for kids to be in that type of marriage. Additionally, if your affair gets discovered, your children will have even more reasons to blame you for any issues in your family.
- You did it once, and you don’t plan to repeat it – perhaps you haven’t even planned it, and your cheating was an act of poor judgment while you were drunk. It may have been a single mistake, but if the truth comes out, you are not risking only breaking the trust, but annihilating the entire marriage.
Why You Should Tell Your Wife You Had an Affair
Your conscience may be bothering you because you know your wife is not someone you keep secrets from. There is no doubt that revealing your affair will trigger events that will shake your marriage to the core.
Related reading: How Are Most Affairs Discovered
However, there is a chance it has already been shaken, and your cheating may be the opportunity you were looking for to fix it.
Confessing is also better than living every day in a fear that you will be discovered. If that happens, things will be much worse than if you confessed yourself.
Your wife will not only feel you betrayed her trust, but she will think you are a liar. It will be much harder to trust you that there weren’t others in the past, and their anger can only be bigger.
Related reading: 9 Reasons Why Men Cheat
How to Tell Your Wife You Committed Infidelity
Some men resort to telling immediately so that they can get it off their chest. Although you should tell as soon as possible, you also need to pick the right moment.
If you are unsure about the best moment to reveal your secret, you can consider visiting a marriage counselor. Yes, you can visit a therapist yourself, and they can offer valuable advice on how to solve this issue.
The key factor to confessing an affair is preparation. You should be ready to answer any question your wife might ask. Try to answer them honestly, but avoid details that can be skipped so that you don’t hurt your spouse more than you already did.
Your wife may ask you about the reasons why you did it, how it all started, who else knows, and stuff like that.
It would be wise to delete any messages and photos you have with the other person. If your wife asks, you won’t have what to show her, which will be a way of protecting her from additional pain.
If you want to work on your marriage, it is essential that you end the affair. Moreover, you should stop communicating with the other person before you tell your wife. That will be the first step to convince her that you are ready to work on your marriage.
Related reading: How To Find Hidden Profiles On Social Networks
What Is Your Next Move?
Once you cheated on your wife, should you tell her is not the question to ask. It is more about choosing the right moment and postponing the reveal if you have valid reasons for it.
Your wife might need a while to process the information, and it is vital to give her the time and space she needs.
If you want to try and repair your marriage, make sure you are clear about that. Once she agrees to that, too, you can start rebuilding your relationship.
Start by having an honest conversation about your marriage expectations. Set some ground rules, and make sure to honor them. It will take time and effort, but it may all be worth it in the end.