You love your boyfriend, and your relationship has been great ever since day one. It seemed perfect until you figured out that he recently had an affair with another woman.
You now feel a mixture of shock and anger, and you have no idea what to do.
Here are some insights on how to act if your boyfriend cheated on you, but you still love him. We hope that this article will help you to define whether your relationship is worth saving.
You Have Two Ways to Go
It is quite obvious what your options are – you can either leave him immediately or try to repair your relationship.
Now, there are valid reasons why you should consider leaving. These include the following:
- He doesn’t care and feel responsible for the affair.
- You weren’t happy in the relationship before (although this is hardly the case if you truly love him).
- He blames you that he cheated, which is nonsense.
- Since you still have feelings for your boyfriend, let’s focus on how you can rebuild the relationship.
Allow Yourself Time to Be Angry, but Do Not Lash Out
The first thing you need to realize is that you have the right to be angry. If you had a serious bond, and your relationship had the chance of growing into something more, you are entitled to expressing your feelings.
That includes being angry, but also being sad and mourning over what you had. As hard as it can be, it is vital to keep yourself from lashing out at your boyfriend.
You do not have to yell or go the extra mile to make him feel guilty.
On the other hand, make sure to express how you feel clearly. Tell him that you are angry and sad, and explain that you will need some time for yourself.
It might be wise to “take a couple of days off,” which means not seeing each other, or even communicating if that would help to get yourself together.
However, before you ask for that time, make sure to express that your relationship might still have a chance. Tell your boyfriend that you will contact him when you are ready to discuss the future of your relationship.
Related reading: How To Find Out If My Boyfriend Is On Dating Sites
Why Did He Cheat?
If your boyfriend cheated on you, but you still love him, you are in for a difficult process of trying to repair your relationship. The first step will be to find out why your boyfriend cheated.
Some of the reasons may include:
- He was looking to boost his ego and confirm that he is still attractive.
- The opportunity accidentally came up, and he didn’t miss it.
- He is not attracted to you, and he is not happy in the relationship.
It is vital to discover all the details about the affair. Yes, it will be difficult, but it is vital to have an honest heart to heart. Make sure to ask your boyfriend to provide the necessary details.
At the same time, you do not have to go too deep if you think it would end up hurting your feelings even more.
Here are some crucial pointers to use during the conversation.
1. Who is the other person? Was it a one-time thing with a person he just met at the club that night? Or is it one of his or your friends, coworkers, and other acquaintances?
2. How long did the affair last? Once again, there is the option of it being a one-night stand or an actual affair that lasted for a long time.
3. How did the affair start? Who initiated the contact, was it your boyfriend? Or he tried to pull away at first, and then succumbed to temptation?
4. Other relevant things. You should discover whether emotions were involved, does your boyfriend feel guilty, how often they were seeing or messaging each other, etc.
Is He Ready to Go the Extra Mile to Stay with You?
You should now have all the relevant information, but there is one more thing you should pay attention to during the conversation, or the period after you discover the affair. Focus on whether your boyfriend looks like he is ready to stay with you.
If he wants to save the relationship, he should immediately start expressing that, whether in terms of words or actions. Your boyfriend must be willing to assume responsibility, feel guilty, and go the extra mile to prove that he is the right choice for you.
Do you believe that you can repair the relationship? If the answer to that question is yes, let’s see how you can do that.
Related reading: How To Know If He’s Texting Someone Else?
Rebuilding the Trust and Staying with Your Boyfriend After His Affair
The main idea is to take things slow, so choose the pace you are comfortable with and stick to it. You need to understand that you will need to build your relationship from the ground up, and that will take time and effort.
Your boyfriend will need to do his best to restore your trust, and you can help him by setting some guidelines and ground rules.
Do not be afraid to express what could work better in your relationship. That also applies to both parties – try to talk friendly and be honest about your needs.
For example, you can consider the following when you start rebuilding trust:
- Check in regularly, and respond to messages quickly. If you say that you will call in 15 minutes, you should always call.
- Try to be attentive when talking to each other. That includes asking how your day was, talking about current events, etc.
- Focus on making the time spent together fun. You can consider new joint activities, and do whatever will make you both happy.
- Go slow with signs of affection. Yes, it is important to compliment and appreciate each other, but you do not want to push things with huge gifts, or something like that.
- Take all the time you need before being intimate again. You can develop intimacy slowly and start with holding hands, hugging, etc. Once again, you can choose the pace.
Does It Seem Like It’s Going in a Positive Direction?
Give it a week, two, or maybe even a month, and ask yourself whether things are going in a positive direction.
It is the best you can hope for if your boyfriend cheated on you, but you still love him, and it means you are going down the right path to repairing your relationship.
However, if it looks like your boyfriend doesn’t care about your relationship, or he tried to cheat on you again, it will be an indicator that it is time to leave.
The final decision is up to you, but keep in mind that some things are beyond saving no matter how hard you try.