Your life seemed in order – you had a husband and a happy marriage, as well as friends you could rely on at all times. It was one day that you suddenly realized: “My husband cheated on me with my best friend!”
For the wife that was cheated on, this is a double betrayal. Not only your hubby committed infidelity, but your best friend also betrayed your trust.
In this article, we are focusing on some steps you may take in coping with the situation. We hope you may find them helpful in going through this rough patch.
Get a Confirmation
The internet is filled with stories of men cheating wives with their friends. The first thing you want to clarify is whether you are only suspecting an affair, or you have evidence. In the case of the former, it is vital to get confirmation.
You can try to confront your hubby or your friend (it is probably not wise to face them both together). Tell them about the suspicions you have, and ask them to be honest about the affair.
If you can’t get them to admit, look for messages that would confirm your suspicions. You may check up their phones when they go to the bathroom or read their social media messages if they stayed logged on at your computer.
Allow Yourself Time to Process the Information
You are in the most difficult situation at this moment. You may want to go out in the streets and yell, “my husband cheated on me with my best friend,” but try to control yourself.
However, it is vital to allow yourself enough time to process the situation. Nobody could blame you if you decide to go to your parents place for a couple of days, and not talk to your husband or friend at all.
Getting some space is a far better decision than risking fights and arguments. Explain to your husband that you need time to think, but you will get in touch once you feel ready for it.
Do the same with your best friend, but keep in mind that this shouldn’t take too long. The sooner you believe you can proceed to the next step, the better.
Discover the Details of the Affair
For some people, all types of cheating are unacceptable, but others might make a difference depending on various factors. That is why it is important to ask your hubby and your friend about the details of their affair.
Ask them to be honest and tell you everything you want to know, but you should avoid asking questions that may hurt you additionally. Stick to the basics, such as how long the affair lasted, and who initiated it.
If they were both drunk and it was a one-time error in judgment, that probably raises the chances of repairing the relationships compared to a long-term affair with emotions involved.
What Will Happen to Their Affair?
The next thing you want to confirm is what will happen to their affair. These are the possible outcomes:
- They will end their affair right away. You can see this as a sign that they want to repair the relationship with you.
- They don’t want to end the affair. In some cases, you will get a response that they plan to continue with their relationship. It may be difficult, but the best thing you can do is to retreat and focus on yourself during the healing process.
Please note that “ending the affair” also means stopping every contact they had with each other. That involves no more meeting, calling, or messaging one another.
Can You Continue to Spend Time As Before?
The “double betrayal” term we used in the intro should have described the seriousness of the situation. It is a good sign that they want to end their affair, but you realize that means they won’t communicate at all in the future.
The chances are the three of you were hanging out together before, but that is not something that will be possible now. It would be extremely difficult to act as nothing happened and make things like they were before.
It may become better over time, but for now, it may be difficult to repair both relationships at once. That is why you need to make a difficult decision and focus on one of them in the future.
Related reading: How To Win My Husband Back From The Other Woman
Do You Want to Save Your Marriage?
We understand that you may have a special relationship with your best friend, but you should try and resolve things with your hubby first.
Make sure to have an honest conversation regarding your relationship, including your past, present, and future.
The first thing you want to confirm is his desire to stay in the marriage. That involves both ending the affair, but also being ready to put into repairing the relationship.
Next, you want to discuss the causes of the affair. Some reasons may include an ego boost, dissatisfaction with your sex life, being bored, etc.
It is the perfect opportunity for both of you to say what bothers you. Make sure to keep the conversation friendly, and avoid turning it into an argument at all costs.
Discuss How to Improve Things in the Future
Once you analyzed your current situation, it is time to discuss the future. The chances are your relationship dynamics will have to change, and both of you will have to be a part of that.
Here are some pointers that may help:
- Always answer each other’s calls and messages promptly.
- Try some new activities that you never tried before.
- Take things slowly, but do not hesitate to show affection occasionally
Will You Stay Friends with Your (Former) Best Friend?
If one thing is clear, it is that both of them violated your trust. When it comes to your best friend, the chances are you will have to take things slowly.
If you decided on repairing things with your husband, you should consider whether you should stay in touch with your friend.
In case that seeing and talking to them always reminds you of their affair, it would be best to stay away for at least some time.
If you feel ready to start renewing the relationship at any time, you can try contacting them yourself. Until then, ask them not to force you to stay in touch.
Be Wise and Patient
You probably know that yourself now, but this is one of the most hurtful things that can happen in someone’s marriage. Sit down and think: “what would be the best thing to do now that my husband cheated on me with my best friend?”
If you want to work on repairing the relationships, it is imperative for them to end their affair immediately.
Although that is the basic condition, please be aware it may not be possible to make everything the way it was before. You will need to be wise and patient to get the best out of a bad situation.