Ever since the institution of marriage was implemented, people have been struggling with infidelity. It is one of the worst situations an individual may experience in life.
In the first weeks, even months after the discovery of unfaithfulness, a lot of powerful emotions will take place. It could be very frustrating and excruciating to say, “I know my husband has cheated on me several times.”
The good news is that things can be better. If you want to do something about the problem, that is a great start.
A lot of questions may go through your mind:
Will this relationship survive?
Do I want it to survive?
Will I ever be able to trust again?
Take it easy and take time; in the end, everything will eventually be better again. In the meantime, you could take some steps to get yourself back on track.
Communication Is the Key
Do not pretend that everything is normal. It could be problematic to solve these things if you have children because their good being is in the first place, but you can not pretend forever. Things can easily go out of control.
It is okay to talk or not talk if you are still not ready, but you should come to your senses in time. Everyone takes a different amount of time to heal, and it is important not to act out of spite.
Discuss everything slowly. Nothing will be better than you and your husband having a real talk.
Do you want to see a marriage counselor?
Do you want to get to a neutral agreement on how things should work until everything is settled down and emotions are less strong?
Communicate your emotions reasonably, and forget about stunts and games. Passing around the blade can’t be helpful in the long run.
Does He Want to End an Affair?
It is a painful thought to cross your mind, but it is also a thing you should consider. Either he tells you he wants to make things right again or that he is leaving with another woman.
He may also be confused and not know what to do, which is also a decision you should respect, although there are ways to try to make him end the relationship with the other woman.
But, if he can not assure you that he is really sorry and that he ended his affair, it may be time to consider if there is a point in staying in the relationship.
You may react by begging him to stay in the beginning because you feel insecure or because of the fear, but that is not healthy. And it is not a way to repair your marriage. You deserve better.
Take Your Time and Space
Take as much time as you need to process everything – everything that happened and everything your husband told you about it. Even if you have children together, forcing things to work won’t magically erase everything that has happened.
If you can not bare him to be under the same roof as you, ask him to leave. If that happens, he should respect it and give you all the time and space to consider whether you want him back.
What you decide will affect the rest of your life, your mental and emotional health, and your happiness. The decision should not be rushed.
Do Not Seek Revenge
Feeling betrayed can induce anger and rage.
You are furious, and it is normal that the thought of punishment goes through your mind.
You may think about having an affair yourself to be even, or you may gossip and blame your husband when talking to friends, or even worse, on social media. And that could bring a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but that is not the answer.
All these things will work against you, or worse, backfire. Keeping yourself in a state of rage instead of trying to focus on moving on and healing (together or alone) won’t make anything easier.
Sometimes humans cannot process things alone. Before you make any decisions about your further actions, it is reasonable to talk to a couple’s counselor. They will be neutral and could help you gain an understanding of what happened.
You and your husband could share feelings in a safe environment, and you could ask him questions that interest you. An experienced professional may help you process all the feelings running through you.
Take Care Of Yourself
“My husband has cheated on me several times, what should I do?”, the thought of it may run through your head for what feels like an eternity.
It could be overwhelming, and that is entirely normal, but do not forget to take care of yourself.
Do not skip meals because feeling numb and nauseous won’t erase anything that happened. And do not eat your emotions, that won’t turn back time either.
While going through an extremely emotional period, it is important to take care of yourself physically. Nothing will make the process of healing painless, but you need to be healthy both physically and emotionally to get back on the right track.
Do You Still Love Each Other?
Sometimes love could be an answer for everything, but there are situations when even love is not enough.
Both you and your partner should ask yourselves, do you still love each other? It may not be easy to think about it because the realization of lost feelings may be even more painful than infidelity itself.
If the answer is positive and you are ready to forgive and move on, then you should take steps to rebuild your bond. Discussing how you receive and give love may improve your relationship.
Try to understand what makes each other of you feel loved and make a new foundation of your relationship. That foundation should be a first step to work things out together again.
Think about Individual Therapy, Too
You are already in the process of healing because you are here.
You are searching for answers, looking for a way out of that numb feeling.
That is a good start, and you should be proud of yourself.
You may struggle to figure out what you want, and that is completely normal. Sometimes individual therapy is better because you should first take care of yourself so you could be able to take care of anything else.
A therapist may be a worthy adversary to have on the road of discovering “what should I do now that my husband has cheated on me several times.”
Unfaithfulness may be one of the most difficult hits in life, and the worst thing marriage could face. It does not always mean that the marriage will reach the end, but it is also completely normal if you want it to be that way.