If anyone asked you, you would say that your marriage is the best in the world. However, something weird has happened recently. You found out that your wife wants to have an affair, and that caught you by surprise.
It’s not an exaggeration to tell that you are shocked and you do not know how to react. That is why we prepared a guide that will help you to navigate through the situation and get the most out of it.
How Does That Make You Feel?
Shock is a normal feeling once you learn that your spouse is thinking about infidelity. Once the initial sense of shock has passed, the chances are you will feel rage and anger. You may start to blame your wife for trying to ruin your marriage.
All the feelings mentioned above are a process of coping with the information you just learned. The important thing is to avoid reacting impulsively. Don’t yell at your wife because she was honest with you. Moreover, the wisest thing to do may be to retreat and consider what you can do next.
What Are Your Options?
The details may vary, but it essentially comes down to one of the following:
- Give her permission to have an affair.
- Tell her that you don’t want her to be with anyone else.
Let’s be clear about one thing – there is no way you can keep someone from being unfaithful if they want to cheat. That is why you can’t forbid your wife to have an affair.
However, you can consider being open about how you feel and letting her know if her cheating would hurt your feelings.
Living in an Open Marriage
When you hear that your wife wants to have an affair, one of the things you can do is transiting to an open marriage. It is a type of relationship where you can see other people without being mad at each other. However, before you enter an open relationship, you should be aware that this is touchy ground.
Open marriage would allow your wife to be with another person, and you can also hook up with someone else, too. This type of relationship is usually reserved for people that do not have problems with jealousy. It is not that common, but it is still a possibility you may want to consider.
Why Are Ground Rules Crucial in an Open Relationship?
You may be allowed to see other people, but even that requires a set of rules. It is critical to consider what you can and cannot do. Establishing the rules means that you have a playbook to follow. Everything is legit as long as you kept to the rules, which may include:
- Sex boundaries – are you allowed to kiss someone else? Can you have oral or penetrating sex with them? All these are topics you should discuss honestly.
- Emotional boundaries – if it is okay for you that your wife goes to have sex with someone else, but you don’t want her to be seen in public places with that person, or going on dates, make sure to specify that.
- Who is available for hookups – it may be wise to avoid mutual friends, coworkers, each other’s family, and so on. Establish who you can hook up with before you agree to an open relationship.
Finally, you want to talk about how that will affect your marriage.
How will you spend time together in the future?
Will you discuss other relationships?
How often should you go on dates, and spend time on keeping your bond strong?
Making everything clear can make your job easier.
Tell Her You Don’t Want Her to Have an Affair
If you don’t want your spouse to cheat on you, that is perfectly fine. You should be open about your feelings, but try to make it look like you give it a thought.
Sit down and be honest to yourself:
What if she actually cheated?
Would that make you feel hurt and betrayed?
Do you want another person to meddle in your relationship?
You may want to keep your wife only to yourself, and that is okay.
However, you should be aware that you can’t make anyone do something they do not want. Or, for that matter, stop someone from doing what they want. It is why you will need to work on your marriage, and show that an affair is not the right option.
Why Would She Want to Cheat?
The chances are that there is something in your marriage that doesn’t fit your spouse’s expectations. Let’s take a look at the reasons why your wife might cheat:
- She doesn’t feel the bond anymore – she may think that the magic of the relationship is gone. You can try to restore this bond by taking her to romantic dinners, organizing movie nights, or having deep and meaningful conversations.
- She feels ignored and neglected – you may have spent too much time at work lately. Perhaps you are hanging out with your friends too often, or you don’t talk enough. Either way, there is a reason why your wife is feeling neglected, and it is time to start paying more attention.
- She is lonely or bored – unfortunately, this may be a problem with women who do not have a daily job. Spending a lot of time by themselves may make them feel bored and lonely. The solution can be to apply her for cooking classes, or some other activities where they can meet new friends (possibly female ones).
We wouldn’t want to be blunt, but the chances are that you are partially to blame for your spouse wanting to commit infidelity.
That is why it is important to react as soon as possible. Try to identify the issue and improve your behavior immediately.
Don’t hesitate to ask them what stuff could be better in your relationship, and why they are considering an affair. It is better to be honest and communicate than guess and end up thinking and doing the wrong things.
Related reading: How To Know If He’s Texting Someone Else?
You Can’t Ignore the Situation
If you discovered that your wife wants to have an affair, the crucial thing is not to ignore the situation. If she decided to confess her feelings, it is important to offer a reaction.
There is no need to be mad or play the blame game.
Instead, take a bit of time for yourself is necessary. Try to consider different options and outcomes, and let your spouse know your stance when it comes to the affair. Make sure that you are honest, and try to maintain a high level of communication so that there are no surprises down the road.