Everyone dreams about a perfect relationship or marriage. The truth is that it takes much effort to maintain a relationship, especially if one of the partners committed infidelity.
The statistics are not encouraging – a study conducted several years ago discovered that up to 60% of marriages face infidelity problems at some point.
Fortunately, if you are both patient enough and willing to stay together, you can deal with this problem. Please take a look at our guide on overcoming the emotional trauma of adultery.
It offers useful insights, as well as actionable steps you can take to strengthen your relationship after infidelity.
Why Does an Adultery Happen?
Before you can focus on solving the issue, it is vital to understand it. Infidelity can have various underlying causes.
It may be a combination of alcohol or poor judgment. Perhaps you (or your partner) were on a friend’s birthday party. You’ve had too much to drink, and you started talking to one of the guests. One thing led to another, and soon you found yourself in their bed.
In other cases, adultery is a result of being unsatisfied in a relationship or marriage. It may be that you are not happy how your partner is treating you, which is why you replied to the messages the neighbor sent.
The affair may be an act of poor judgment in a situation that you haven’t created, but it also can be initiated.
There is no rule, but if cheating required thinking in advance and creating a situation that may lead to it, it might be more challenging to overcome.
The first thing you need to ensure is that the affair stops.
If you are going to work on your relationship, there is no room for outsiders. It is vital to confirm that any communication with the third person stopped and that you are dedicated to saving your relationship.
A Heart-to-Heart Conversation
They say the first step is the most difficult one, and that is true in the case of overcoming adultery. The primary thing to ensure is to have an open and honest conversation about why the infidelity happened.
It is critical to note that this discussion won’t be easy, and it will probably take hours.
It would be wise to establish some ground rules before you start the conversation. For example, neither party should be allowed to raise their voice or yell at the other partner.
You should also agree that you will be completely honest in the interest of your relationship.
However, the person who committed adultery might skip a detail or two (as long as it is not important) to avoid hurting the cheated partner even more.
The idea is to make a detailed marriage or relationship evaluation. Try to see what caused this breakdown and led to adultery. The partner who committed infidelity should be open about issues that they believe can be improved.
For example, if rare sexual intercourse in the marriage was the reason for adultery, you should be open about it.
On the other hand, the cheated partner should also present their expectations for the coming period. They certainly have a suggestion or two on how to improve the relationship, too.
Additionally, you may want to think about how you expect your partner to behave in the future. Feel free to tell them that, and share all your potential concerns. Remember, it is a heart-to-heart conversation.
You should have a maximum level of honest and keep it from this point forward.
Important Tips on Reestablishing Trust in a Relationship
Once you agree on some basic rules, it is time to start repairing the relationship and reestablishing trust. It will not be easy, and there will be ups and downs.
The chances are you will go through the usual grief process. After the initial shock, you may enter the phase of anger. You will be mad at your partner, and you may even think you hate them. Some people may also start feeling sad and even depressed.
Overcoming adultery is a process, and it is not easy to accept the fact that infidelity occurred. It may take a while before the cheated partner is willing to leave that in the past, and keep their mind from troubling them about it.
That is why both partners must show patience.
The cheated partner must be strong, think rationally, and avoid outbursts. It takes time to reestablish trust, but if you are clear about what you expect and the other partner honors that, try to be as calm as possible.
Let’s take a look at some tips on strengthening trust after adultery.
Always Answer Your Phone
Both partners should be accountable for their whereabouts at all times. The person who cheated needs to answer their phone at all situations as soon as possible.
The same applies to replying to messages. It is also important that you are honest about your whereabouts – those that willing to work on their relationship have nothing to hide.
Related reading: How To Catch Facebook Cheaters
Gestures of Affection
You remember the beginning of your relationship when both of you were very attentive? That is what you should aim for right now.
Even the smallest gesture of affection can help to strengthen trust after adultery. Flowers or candies are an excellent way to surprise your partner but do not forget kind words and nonsexual touches.
Related reading: How To Know If He’s Texting Someone Else?
Try New Activities
You want to put adultery behind, and is there a better way to do that than to find some new joint activities? You can consider taking a trip to a place where you have never been to before.
If time or budget do not allow you to do that now, how about finding something that you both love? You can take cooking classes together, or agree to ride a bike or hike once per week.
As long as you are doing it together and you both enjoy it, it can help to repair your relationship.
If you feel like you cannot overcome the problem together, you can consider visiting a professional.
It is crucial to find an experienced and knowledgeable relationship therapist that will guide you through the process of overcoming infidelity.
They will act as a mediator in your communication, and might significantly help in “returning to normal.”
If you are wondering about overcoming the emotional trauma of adultery, keep in mind it will take a lot of patience and effort.
Both partners need to be ready to invest themselves in repairing the relationship and learn to be tolerable in the process. If it hasn’t been so far, honesty must start being a key to your communication at this point.