“Should I tell my boyfriend I cheated on him?” is a commonly asked question. Most people search the internet to find the answer or turn to their friends for help.
Technically speaking, you should always be honest and speak the truth when it comes to relationships. No relationship is built on lies. Hiding something as serious as cheating can put your relationship at risk.
However, unfortunately, relationships are not that simple. It can be difficult to speak the truth, especially when you do not know how your partner will react.
In this article, we’ll answer the question and cover all the queries that you have.
Should You Tell Your Boyfriend If You Have Cheated on Him?
Most of us hate lies and liars, especially in a relationship. A relationship, after all, is built on trust and mutual understanding. Still, it’s quite understandable why you’d like to hide the truth from him.
Most women prefer to hide the truth because they are either too afraid of facing the music or they think they’ll never get caught. This is a mistake because you can never be sure of what the future holds.
How would your partner react if he finds out that you cheated on him and never confessed the truth?
It will break his heart and may even cause a dent in your relationship. This is why it is better to tell your boyfriend if you have cheated on him. However, the opinion seems to be divided.
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Some experts believe that it is okay to hide the truth from your partner.
“I usually advise against [clients] telling their partner if they’ve cheated, especially if this is something that will not be repeated,” says psychotherapist Deborah Duley. “ “Honesty is not always the best policy — at least not 100 percent honesty — and sometimes, I find that a revelation to a partner about a hurtful event is more about easing the client’s conscience and less about helping the relationship.”
Other experts, including Kevin Darne, the man behind My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany), agrees with Duley. He says:
“If your reason for telling is to rid yourself of the guilt you’re carrying around, then you are hurting them in order to selfishly feel better,” he tells Bustle. “If you’re no longer cheating nor plan to ever cheat again and your mate is highly unlikely to ever find out, then take it to your grave! Make amends going forward by being the absolute best mate or spouse you possibly can be.”
However, as stated earlier, some advisors think it is important to share the truth, especially if your partner is already doubtful. You may hide it from him if it was a genuine mistake or a ‘one time’ thing but not if you had a full-blown affair or if he already doubts you.
It is never a good idea to lie to your partner about your affair. If he asks you it means he already has proof. Lying would cause him to lose faith in you. Hence come clean and have a conversation with him.
Such conversations, however, can be very difficult, on both the partners. This is why it is important to know when and how to share the truth.
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How to Tell Him That You Cheated on Him
Once you have decided to speak the truth, it is important to be fully honest about how you feel.
Sit down with him and answer all his questions. If you are apologetic then explain that you regret the move and would like to continue the relationship. However, if you have decided to move on, then you need to be straight up and tell him that it’s over.
It is best to think about what you are going to tell him. Plan the whole conversation in your head and take notes if necessary. This will ensure the conversation does not get derailed and you two are able to reach a conclusion.
Plus, it is important to be patient. Such discussions can quickly turn into an argument. Make sure to be respectful, even if you have decided to end the relationship.
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Do not blame him for your affair. People cheat because they want to, not because they have no other option.
When To Tell Him That You Cheated On Him
It’s best to tell him before he finds out on his own. Remember that confessing the truth will not always open new doors of conversation. In fact, you two may end up losing each other.
You do not have to tell him right away. Take your time. Think about your relationship and why you cheated on him.
- Was it a mistake?
- Are you looking for action outside of your relationship?
- Do you still love him?
- Is he not the person you want to be in a relationship with?
Once you have answers to these questions, it will be easier to open up and speak the truth. You will also know what kind of conversation you want to have with him.
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How to Handle the Truth
It will be difficult for your partner to handle the truth. Hence, be patient and tell him that you still care for him, even if you do not intend to be in a relationship with him.
Give him some time to recover and think about where he wants to go with the relationship. Never take such decision in a haste.
You also need to be prepared for the worse – what if he declines to continue the relationship after knowing the truth? Such events can leave you devastated.
The best thing you can do in such a scenario is to spend some time alone and reflect on your relationship. Think about all the time you have spent together and if you’d like to continue to be with each other.
If you feel no love for him then it is best to end the relationship, no matter what he or the world has to say.