When you said, “I do,” it seemed like you are going to stay together with your spouse forever. However, it seems that your relationship is in a crisis, and you are wondering whether it is worth trying to save it.
Let’s take a look at the signs a marriage cannot be saved so that you know when you should give up, and realize the best thing you can do is leave.
1. You Can’t Have a Normal Conversation
You can’t remember the last time you had a conversation with your spouse, and it hadn’t turned into an argument. It’s like there is no patience or mutual respect anymore, and even the most innocent discussion turns into a fight.
If you feel like this describes your situation, perhaps it is time to admit there is no point in continuing the relationship anymore.
Alternatively, you can try to have an honest and friendly conversation, and agree that you will try to reestablish your communication. However, be aware that it will take a lot of effort from both sides.
2. There Is No Physical Contact
When we say physical contact, we are not thinking only about your sex life. If it seems like forever since you last hugged or kissed your spouse, this is a big reason to worry about your marriage’s stability.
That being said, you shouldn’t ignore the bedroom either.
Not having sex is often a sign of deeper problems in the relationship.
If it is followed by a lack of intimacy, such as not holding hands when you are walking down the street, it may be a sign that your marriage is beyond salvation.
3. You Prefer Doing Anything Else Than Spending Time with Your Partner
It doesn’t seem interesting to spend time with your spouse anymore. You feel bored or uncomfortable when you are around them, and you literally prefer doing anything else.
Furthermore, you found yourself leaving the room when your spouse walks in, which is everything but normal.
If you already tried new activities to eliminate the boredom, and you consider you made an effort to establish communication, this may be one of the signs a marriage cannot be saved.
4. You Are a Victim of a Verbal Abuse
According to Wikipedia, verbal abuse is when a person intentionally insults or criticizes another person. The causes of this hostility may lie in anger towards that person, anger toward yourself, or something in your life.
Does it seem like your spouse is always criticizing you no matter what you do? Even when you do something they told you completely in line with how their instructions, they still say you didn’t get it right.
These are clear forms of verbal abuse, and if they manifest often, you should consider leaving.
Related reading: Why Do Married Men Cheat And Stay Married
5. Never Allow Physical Abuse
No form of abuse should be allowed towards other people, especially in marriages and families. Physical abuse is a line you shouldn’t cross even if it only happened one time and can be qualified as mild.
More often than not, it is a sign of an underlying aggressive personality, and you can’t risk staying with that person. The chances are that someone who hurt you once will hurt you again, which is why you should leave the marriage as soon as possible.
6. Your Spouse Is an Addict
An addiction can manifest in different forms, but the most common types involve alcohol and substance abuse. In some cases, people have issues with overusing painkillers, drugs, and even tobacco. Some other common addictions include gambling, porn, shopping, etc.
If your spouse is drinking every day, and that causes him to yell or behave inappropriately, you should understand that they have a problem.
You may try to help them get better, but if that doesn’t produce results, you won’t have any other choice but leaving.
7. They Had an Affair, and They Don’t Feel Guilty
Cheating is something that will undoubtedly affect your relationship. If you discovered that your spouse committed infidelity, it wouldn’t be easy to repair your marriage.
For starters, you need to ensure your spouse wants to stay together. If they don’t act guilty about their affair, and they are not willing to end it, there is probably no point in staying together.
Another thing you want to pay attention to is if your spouse has cheated on you more than once. These are so-called serial cheaters, and the chances are they will do it again.
That is why you should seriously think about leaving instead of forcing yourself to stay and suffer even more.
8. Your Spouse Has Separate Financial Accounts
This is an intelligent way of tracking that your spouse plans to file for a divorce. If they insist on opening a separate financial account, it may be a reason to be suspicious.
In some marriages, spouses may have had separate accounts ever since they got together. However, if you have an opportunity, you may still want to check their finances.
They may be transferring money to a secret account you are not aware of so that they can prepare for life without you. If they often claim how they don’t have any cash and look for any opportunity to save, you may start wondering why they are saving.
9. Therapy Doesn’t Seem to Help
Couples therapy is often the last resort for spouses who want to save their marriages. Professional therapists are experts that know how to guide you through the process of repairing relationship issues.
They can use their skills and experience to provide the right tips on how to improve your marriage.
However, even therapy may fail to produce results in some cases. These are usually those couples where at least one spouse does not even want to fix the issues.
That may hide the underlying desire to leave, and even the most experienced professional might not be able to help in those situations.
Make a Joint Decision about the Future
If you feel like your relationship is beyond the point of possible salvation, it is something you should tell your spouse. Once you establish one or more signs a marriage cannot be saved, choose the right moment, and tell them you don’t believe you belong together anymore.
The next moves may depend on their reaction. If they don’t seem interested in saving your relationship, it is best to pack things up and leave.
Alternatively, if they ask you to make an effort to stay married, you may consider doing that, but let them know that you expect things to change from now on.
In case you don’t see any changes in the coming weeks or months, you will confirm that there is no point staying in a failed marriage anymore.