What Are the Stages You Go Through to Heal After Infidelity?
“Oh, my God, my spouse is cheating on me!”
It doesn’t seem like that is possible since your relationship looked perfect just a couple of days ago. Unfortunately, you discovered that your partner cheated on you. If you need some guidance on where to go from here, make sure you read more about stages of healing after infidelity.
Our guide should help you to deal with the adultery in the healthiest way possible. We are talking about a process that will enable you to heal, but may even repair your relationship.
Let’s take a look at how everything looks from the moment you discover cheating to the place where you can say you healed.
1. Discovering the Affair
Believe it or not, the process of healing starts the moment you discover the affair. We are not talking about your suspicions, but the actual confirmation that your partner committed infidelity.
Everything starts by discovering a clue that they might be cheating. That leads you to pay more attention to signs of infidelity. Whether by facing your hubby, or reading their messages, you eventually confirm they are having an affair.
Shock and Anger
The initial feeling that you will experience will undoubtedly be a shock. You might have had a gut feeling or suspicions, but it still doesn’t get you ready for the actual discovery.
Once you start processing the information, that shock will probably turn into anger. It will be actual anger that may be stronger than any rage you felt before. You will primarily be mad at your partner for cheating on you. The chances are you will think they ruined the relationship and blame them from that.
You may also be mad at the person they committed the affair with, and even the circumstances that let that happen. You may feel rage toward the entire world, and become very irritable and grumpy, even if you are talking about something entirely different.
Depending on the person, this rage may be combined with a lack of confidence and anger toward yourself for letting such a thing happen. Once all that starts setting, you will make the transition to the next phase.
2. Grieving What Happened
The chances are that grief will last longer than the initial shock and anger. During this phase, you probably won’t have outbursts of anger anymore, and your emotions may not be so intense. That being said, the chances are you will experience numerous other emotions during this process, but the dominating feeling will be grief.
Grief is one of the four essential stages of healing after infidelity. It is important to give yourself room to grieve as much as needed. It is impossible to tell whether this phase will last for a week or two, or a couple of months.
Mourn the Loss
The important thing is that you give yourself time to mourn the loss. That may mean you lost the relationship the way it was, and it may be mourning that things won’t be the same and that they won’t return to normal that soon.
You will spend a lot of time thinking during this phase. It is not pleasant to feel grief, but it is also a way of facing what happened.
Can You Count on Your Partner?
Depending on the current state of your relationship, your partner might, or might not be there for you during the grief stage. It may be more difficult without them, but don’t try to include them at all cost.
Keep in mind that you are the top priority now, and the only person to take care of at this point is you. Whenever you feel the need to cry, do that, and do not hold back. However, do not forget to sleep, eat, have some exercise, and try to continue with your life.
You can probably count on support from your family and friends, but you may also consider sharing your story anonymously online, and reading support comments and advice of the internet community.
3. Accepting Everything
It may take months to reach the acceptance phase, but once you reach it, you will be a lot closer to healing. The first two stages contained shock, anger, sadness, and grief, but now it is time to feel calm.
You will recognize acceptance by being able to consider what happened rationally. It is important to make a difference – that doesn’t mean you won’t care that your partner had an affair anymore. It merely means that you are aware of the current situation and the tough road ahead.
Make Peace with Your Past
It is only by making peace with what happened in your past that you can move on into a better future. You may use what you discovered during the affair and the healing process to shape your life the way you want it to be.
With each day that passes, you will accept your current position even more. That is what will get you ready to enter the final stage of healing.
4. Reconnection or Making the Necessary Adjustments
Once you feel completely ready (and not a moment before), it may be time to start reconnecting. You and your partner may have spent all this time away from each other, or you kept your relationship on standby until the healing process completes.
If you feel like there is room to work on the relationship, you may try repairing it. Please note, however, that it takes two to tango. That means you will both have to invest a lot of patience and effort into reconnecting. It won’t be easy, but it can be possible.
Related reading: How To Catch Cheaters On iPhone
How to Reconnect with Your Partner After an Affair
You should start by agreeing that you will both be completely honest about everything. Honesty and communication are the foundations of every solid relationship, and that is the idea you should follow.
You probably had enough time to think about how you expect your partner to behave. Make sure to say that honestly. They should be ready to end their affair and go the extra mile to regain your trust.
No Reconnection Possible
Alternatively, it may not be possible to reconcile with your partner. You may think they are not worth it, or they are not ready to end the affair. In that case, it is time to move on and reconnect with yourself.
That includes reestablishing your values and acting accordingly, opening yourself up for new opportunities, as well as boosting your friends and family relationships.
The Bottom Line
It will take some time to get over the fact that someone has cheated on you, especially if it was a partner that you trusted with all your heart. That is why it is important to give yourself as much time as needed to heal.
Our four stages of healing after infidelity will help to guide you through the process. It won’t be easy, but once you reach the end of the healing process, it will be worth it.