Deciding to get a divorce is never an easy choice to make. Especially, if you have put all your effort into making your marriage a successful one. The stress of opening this can of worms can be nerve-wracking.
In some cases, however, getting a divorce might actually be the only healthy option available. But how do you know if you should get divorced? How do you know if it’s the right time for such a major life-altering decision?
Fret not, we’re here to help you with your dilemma. This article will tell you when it is time to divorce.
Let’s have a look at the major signs that it might be time to get out.
1. Your Partner Is Having An Affair
Cheating can be a huge deal-breaker for most couples. Some couples do manage to recover from the emotional trauma, but most take this as a sign to end the relationship.
If you are dealing with a cheating partner, take a step back and think. Do you feel your relationship can recover? Or do you think this breach of trust is unfixable?
You can try therapy or marriage counseling if you want to fix your marriage. But if your partner feels no remorse and does not want to change, divorce may be the only possible option.
2. Your Partner Is Abusive
Physical, emotional or mental abuse of any kind is unacceptable in a relationship. A marriage is supposed to be a bond of love, trust, and respect. Without these very basics, no marriage will survive.
Living through abuse can be very harmful both to you and your children. If your partner is constantly abusive to you or your kids, leaving might be the best option.
Don’t feel bad about leaving. Remember, you have to put your own mental health and peace first. And of course, you can never subject your children to abuse and put them at risk.
3. There Is No Intimacy
Marriage is a partnership and both partners need to play their part in making it work.
Emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy is key here. If your partner is reluctant to be intimate, try to find out the reason.
A lack of romance or sex is a major reason why marriages fail.
Check out signs that indicate he or she has found someone else. They can help you know where your marriage is going and whether you should file for a divorce.
4. Your Partner Does Not Make Any Effort
In order for a marriage to flourish, it is necessary that both partners make an effort. It cannot be one-sided. Communication is vital here.
If you want to resolve problems but your spouse does not, there might be trouble brewing. Talk to your partner about how the lack of communication is bothering you. Get their take on the matter, too.
You can also try couples counseling to help you and your spouse communicate. However, if your spouse seems completely indifferent to your efforts, it might be time to let go.
5. You Have No Shared Values
A set of shared values and common beliefs are the foundation of a strong marriage.
This does not mean that people with different beliefs cannot get along. Conflicts arise when the differences are too wide for there to be any middle ground.
For example, one spouse might put their career above domestic life, while the other would want their home to be the first priority. Naturally, in such cases, there is bound to be trouble.
Fights, arguments and disagreeable behavior is very common in such situations.
But constant fighting is terrible for a relationship. If you and your spouse constantly argue about your values and priorities, it might be time for a divorce.
Is your vision for the future the same as your spouse’s? Knowing where you both want to go in life can be helpful in deciding whether you two should stay together or move on.
If the answer is no, it might be time to let go. Staying in a relationship that will never make you happy is futile.
6. You Have Too Many Negative Interactions
Too many negative experiences with your partner can be an alarming sign.
According to research, there is a magic ratio for any relationship. For every negative interaction, there must be five positive interactions.
If you feel emotionally drained and exhausted all the time, evaluate your interactions with your partner.
Are you always on edge with your spouse or do you feel comfortable around them?
Can you think of situations where you felt happy and safe with your spouse?
Even if there are positive interactions with your spouse, carefully ponder upon the negative ones.
Are arguments with your partner very hurtful and toxic?
Do you feel devalued and disrespected all the time?
If the answer to all the questions above is yes, it might be time to contact a divorce lawyer. There is no point in sticking out a situation, that ruins your mental health.
What to do once you decide to get a divorce?
If you’ve decided to get a divorce, consider getting the help of a therapist or a marriage counselor. This will help you and your partner resolve issues amicably. It will also bring a mediator into the mix making the divorce go smoothly.
If you have any kids, you will need to be very gentle and careful. As this will be a massive change for the kids, their comfort must be a priority.
Talk to your partner and make plans for your children.
Remember things can get very messy when children are involved as you have to deal with custody lawyers, etc. It is important that you stay strong during such situations and never let it affect you.
Make sure that you value your own mental health and well-being. Divorce is a major life change and a rather traumatic one. So eat well, exercise and relax for a couple of days.
Surround yourself with your strongest support system. Hang out with your friends and turn to them for emotional support.
If you feel depressed or anxious, remember it is only natural. However, if the depression worsens then make sure to seek professional help.
At the end of the day, you have to live with your decision so think hard before you make one. There is no perfect time for a divorce but if you feel you’re unhappy with no hope for things to change then it’s time to walk away.